Super Bowl Party: Patriots Edition

The National Football League’s biggest stage is set and once again fans of the New England Patriots have a reason to celebrate. The team is aiming to capture their third Lombardi Trophy in the past four seasons and sixth title overall. It’s been a mind-boggling run for the Patriots, who are making their eighth Super Bowl appearances since the turn of the century and this Sunday many locals will again gather to watch the most predictable reality show on television. Here are five tips for Patriots fans who are hosting a Super Bowl party. Have fun with it and remember that strawberries and nightshade vegetables are strictly forbidden, they are the work of the devil.           

1. Invite Only Like-Minded Friends: Bandwagons operate best when there’s one voice and the more #12 Brady jerseys, the better. Your guest should have the originality of a copy machine and are encouraged to repeat “Do You Job” and “The Patriot Way” as much as possible. Remove any guest who dares mention the commissioner’s name or brings up factual information that may reflect poorly on the Patriots. 
2. You're the Official: It’s your party and you can do what you want to. Feel free to set and break any rules as long as it benefits the party-goers. Similar to the Tuck Rule, a rule can be interpreted differently depending on how crucial it is to the success of your party and your guests are immune from party fouls, especially in the fourth quarter or overtime.
3. Cheat and Go Cheap: There are several ways you can cut corners and still have favorable party. Buy generic foods instead of name brand, water down drinks, secretly tape your guest and use it against them without their knowledge are just a few of the ways to manipulate the masses into thinking you’re the greatest host ever. Even if you’re caught, your attendees will laugh it off because they have become tolerant to such behavior.
4. Deflate Your Ego: Just like a system quarterback is only as good as his clutch kicker or opportunistic defense, a party is only as good as its most fair-weathered guest. Luckily for you everyone in attendance will most surely bail on your party if things don’t go their way. Just remember that it’s not your fault, it’s the company you keep.       
5. Blame ESPN: In the unlikely event that things are not going as planned, simply blame The Worldwide Leader in Sports. Your shortcomings and failures as a host can always be attributed to a television network. If the party is a total failure it’s sometimes best to erase any record of it, so destroying your cell phone is highly recommended.